I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
