So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
