So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
