im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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