There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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