I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
