before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
