I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
