party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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