she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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