someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
