Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
