I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
