Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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