Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just cropdusted the office
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
