Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
