I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
