Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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