Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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