He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
