I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize