i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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