we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
