She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize