rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
