I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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