Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
