If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize