I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
