my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize