Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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