that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
