So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it glows. i had to have it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
