where does the pee come out of this thing
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
