I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
