My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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