I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
