You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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