I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you win again, gameday.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
