mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
