I just saw a hot homeless man
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
