Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
