i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
