How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
