my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
