my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize