so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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