Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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