its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No I am not eating basil off your cock
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
