Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This girl is more easily done than said...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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