She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
