Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I forget how to act sober
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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