Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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