Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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