is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i think my mom watched the whole time
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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