Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize