So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
