got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
