i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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