i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
