i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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