how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
