you traded sex for a burrito?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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