and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
