FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
