Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize