I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
