I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
