My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
