I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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