you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
that may or may not have been my penis.
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