I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize