I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
