I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
