I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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