I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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