If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
