I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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