I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
