I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
