I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Please don't give away my fajitas
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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