If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
