yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
