he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
