i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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