your room smells of hookers.
And success
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
