Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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