I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
