Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
