dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
