Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
