I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
