remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
