you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
