please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
