She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize