bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We just shotgunned beers for America
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
