I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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