I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
