you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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