I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Text me some of your sweat
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
